Darla Sleeps

Pondering

The ball is in your court now. As far as I'm concerned, my soul is redeemed. Is yours? Or do you even have a soul?

Because I wouldn't know what to do without Nina in my life. And I always cry when I hear this.

Oh Sinnerman, where you gonna run to?
Sinnerman, where you gonna run to?
Where you gonna run to?
All on that day
Well I run to the rock, please hide me
I run to the rock,please hide me
I run to the rock, please hide me, Lord
All on that day
But the rock cried out, I can't hide you
The rock cried out, I can't hide you
The rock cried out, I ain't gonna hide you guy
All on that day
I said, Rock, what's a matter with you rock?
Don't you see I need you, rock?
Lord, Lord, Lord
All on that day
So I run to the river, it was bleedin'
I run to the sea, it was bleedin'
I run to the sea, it was bleedin'
All on that day
So I run to the river, it was boilin'
I run to the sea, it was boilin'
I run to the sea, it was boilin'
All on that day
So I run to the Lord, please hide me Lord
Don't you see me prayin'?
Don't you see me down here prayin'?
But the Lord said, go to the devil
The Lord said, go to the devil
He said, go to the devil
All on that day
So I ran to the devil, he was waitin'
I ran to the devil, he was waitin'
Ran to the devil, he was waitin'
All on that day
I cried -
POWER!!!!!!!
(Power to da Lord)

Oh yeah, Woh yeah, Woh yeah
Well I run to the river, it was boilin'
I run to the sea, it was boilin'
I run to the sea, it was boilin'
All on that day
So I ran to the Lord
I said, Lord hide me, please hide me
please help me
All on that day
He said, child, where were you
when you oughta been prayin'?
I said,Lord, Lord, hear me prayin'
Lord, Lord, hear me prayin'
Lord, Lord, hear me prayin'
All on that day
Sinnerman you oughta be prayin'
Oughta be prayin', Sinnerman
Oughta be prayin',
All on that day
I cried -
POWER!!!!!!!
(Power to da Lord)

Power, Power, Lord
Don't you know I need you Lord
Don't you know that I need you
Don't you know that I need you
Power, Lord!

Christmas memories

Christmas was only exciting when I was a child. Somehow once you step into the adult years (teenage years for me) its magic is gone but mere colored lights and consumerism. Christmas as a young child in Manila meant vacation from school. I can only dream of Santas and reindeers and snow. I watched the claymation adaptation of Rudolph the Red-nose Reindeer as shown on tv every Christmas. We made up holiday ornaments made of small empty matchboxes wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper and hung on the fake plastic tree which did not even resemble a pine tree.

I did believe in Santa Claus growing up; however he never visited the Philippines because it was a tropical country, and only kids in other countries enjoyed his presence and gifts instead. (I had the notion that Santa only liked snowy places and up to this day, I dream of living in a snowy place around Christmas.) Soon, this belief was gone because after pinning a white sock on my mom's room curtain, I found a twenty peso bill in it the next day. Perhaps my mother put it there out of pity for me and in the end the bastards told me it wasn't Santa, it was my mother who put the bill there. So Santa never really came and was just some fictional character.

What I liked most about Christmas in my country was that we didn't really celebrate Thanksgiving, and the idea of a big bird on the table to this day still freaks me out; it was the December holiday days we've spent and prepared food for, in which my mother only truly prepared the food on New Year's Eve. She never believed in celebrating Christmas, but more for the New Year. She became very superstitious around the New Year by hanging grapes on doorways, and wore polkadot dresses on New Year's Eve. It was more for goodluck welcoming and preparation of her business to flourish for the New Year.

Otherwise, I occasionally got the sock-shaped goody bags with candy and little toys the house helpers bought for me. I lived for those as a young child growing up around Christmas time.

My most memorable Christmas-time was when I longed for a Barbie doll and somehow I got it on my 7th New Year's Eve. My mother and her boyfriend at the time I guess got it for me. It was the happiest Christmas of my life.

The only true lasting meaning of Christmas I suppose, that's left in my blood was the end result of attending a Catholic school. The Yuletide season was for celebrating the birthday of Baby Jesus.

Now that I'm an adult and soon to be mother, I hope to give my child a more accurate and worthy traditions to follow and do around the Holidays.

I know why the caged bird sings

The free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wings
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with fearful trill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill for the caged bird
sings of freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

The Seated Woman with the Parasol

Listening to Tori Amos' music is a great reminder of my mid-late 20's life. She makes me want to smoke Parliament Lights & drink Newcastle all over again and paint on canvas at odd hours. Spirits are low but I'm alright.

Where the past is past

I worry too much about insignificant and poisonous people in my life who are part of the past now. Here's to...

New life.

New year.

New baby.

New car.

New house.

New outlook in life.

I should be lucky!